i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
