Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
