A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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