It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize