You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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