i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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