I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
