you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
