Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
