i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
