So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
