I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
