So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
