and you said cock pushups were impossible
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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