I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
