I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
