if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
