I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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