i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
