I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
