ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
