im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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