Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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