shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
