We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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