You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
