i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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