umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
