You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
