Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's shark week go big or go home
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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