not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
