I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
