i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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