Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
