Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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