More tranny stories later!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
