If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
