So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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