her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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