Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
