yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
