my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
