I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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