my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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