Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
