Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
