you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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