he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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