i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
