That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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