I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
