There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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