there's paper in my vomit.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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