Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
