I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
