I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize