is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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