Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
