so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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