Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
