Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize