Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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