I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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