I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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