just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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