i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
