He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
