I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
