Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
