dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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