I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
